I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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