I feel great
I just peed on a car
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the day after is always just damage control
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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