Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
