dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
