Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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