Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
