Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
