Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
