Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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