and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she smelled like a LAN party
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
