about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
