I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
