I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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