Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
