Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
