Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
