I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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