Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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