Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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