She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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