Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
