He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
