i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
