Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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