he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
