and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
