I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
