Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
