I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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