Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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