just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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