How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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