I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize