That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
