so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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