We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
