sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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