Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
