I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
