if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
