I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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