In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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