at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
