my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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