Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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