My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
