He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My ass is underappreciated
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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