Michael Bay diarrhea
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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