The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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