Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
