never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
