the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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