look no pants
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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