We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
