I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
