fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
