Whod you bang
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
