I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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