we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
