I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
third nipple confirmed
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
