dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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