She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
