Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
