Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
