I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got chris browned last night
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
