Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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