The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
