Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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