Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
